The Inevitability of Change

>> 8.20.2009

We change, whether we like it or not.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

So far, I have to admit that I have done a pretty terrible job of documenting this pregnancy. After being slammed by about 28 life-altering events in the span of 3.2 seconds, it can be a little hard to find the energy to savor the moments.

I am honestly not sure where my ultrasound pictures are- floating around in my car somewhere, perhaps. The pregnancy organizer my mother got me has three or four sentences hastily scrawled in the margins. My desire to keep a journal of letters for Liam keeps getting put off until "after the next appointment" due to a deep-rooted fear of getting attached to a baby not meant for this world.

However, the drastic changes in my body are the one thing I can neither deny nor ignore- it's happening whether I like it or not.

At 2 days shy of 20 weeks various body parts are expanding in ways I never thought possible. I am finding it difficult to adjust. It is not just the areas I prepared myself for either. It's everything!

My toes are disappearing.

And my face is big and round like the moon.

I have also graduated to the rubber band: looping a rubber band through the button hole in your jeans can give you a couple more weeks in your regular pants. It is quite a trick.

While I cannot say I am thrilled with my new figure, I am attempting to find some comfort in my expanding waistline. I rub my big, round belly and it reminds me that our little gremlin is still growing big and strong. Occasionally it dawns on me that an entire human being is being formed inside of me. He is with me all the time and changing every day. That's pretty much amazing... if you really think about it.

I am still not entirely used to the belly. It is like... I look in my closet and say, "Hmm.. I think I will wear this today and look fabulous," and then as I attempt to pull it down over the mountains and valleys of my body, the belly replies, " OH NO, YOU WON'T!" over the din of ripping seams and popping buttons... and I shriek in terror as the belly laughs an evil laugh.

Or... at least that is how it happens in my head.


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