Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Of all the animals, the boy is most unmanageable.
Plato

Okay. So. Today... it has hit me like a ton of bricks just how HAPPY I am to be having a little boy.

I mean... Really. Freaking. Happy.

As I say on a regular basis: my life is complete sausage-fest. I spend the majority of my time with my husband and besides that, my best friend is a boy... in fact, most of my friends are boys, my only sibling is a boy, even all of our pets are male! The only women I spend consistent amounts of time with are my mother and... a three year old.

So when we found out we were pregnant (after the initial heart-stopping, jaw-dropping shock of it all wore off a bit) I was really, truly hoping for a girl. And people would say to me, "Oh. You don't really care do you? I mean... as long as it's healthy, right?" And I would say (or at least think in my mind while I nodded and smiled placidly), "Yes. Actually I do care. And if that makes me a horrible person, then so be it... because you are not the one who has to live with constant MAN PARTS floating around you all the time and never have anyone to turn to and say, 'Hey. Want to go shopping?' without getting a colossal eye roll unless you add, '... for video games, action figures and/or sports memorabilia' to the end. And while I understand that some woman have been trying for years to get pregnant and, once they do, they feel so blessed to be having a child that they really, honestly have no preference and I get that and I admire them- I am not one of those women so I really can not relate. I did not want for this at all in fact.. and so, I am sorry, but would it be so much to ask to be able to have a little girl I can paint toenails with and giggle with and play princesses with and all those fun little girl things that mommies and daughters do together?!"

Also, I do not remember a time in my life when I did not think that I would have a daughter first. Also, Ryan was convinced we were having a girl: mostly because he is logical to a fault and every, single member of his family on both sides as far back as anyone can remember has had a girl first. Also, I just really like little girl clothes.

However, about a month before we went in for the ultrasound, I began having dreams that we were having a little boy. And he was so precious and looked just like his daddy. I started to think that maybe, just maybe, a boy would not be so bad. Then I started to get pretty convinced we were having a boy.

By the time we walked into have the doctor's office, I would have been absolutely floored if there was nothing between that kid's legs.

And I was right.

Part of me was just so happy that he was alive and perfect and it really didn't matter- just like they said. Part of me was so thrilled for Ryan because the look of complete shock and amazement on his face as he realized that he was going to have a son was just gorgeous. But part of me was still disappointed. People kept asking me if I was disappointed and I would say no because that is what you are supposed to say.. but I was: it was like watching that little girl disappear.

Slowly, thoughts of that little girl that isn't to be were replaced by thoughts of the little boy that is... and I stopped caring about it at all. And then today, BAM- this overwhelming feeling of joy at the thought of having a little boy hit me out of nowhere. I am so in love with Liam now that if we were to go into our appointment tomorrow and be told that there had been a mistake, I would be really upset. I want him so much.

I partially have the baby boy I take of to thank for this- he will be a year old in a couple of weeks and has just hit his ultra-mega-super cute phase. It is my theory that between 10-18 months babies become the perfect little beings of adorable because they not only have to make up for the months of sleep deprivation they have just inflicted upon you, but they also have to give you something to make it through the terrible two's. And, boy, does this kid have it down.

It is like every little thing he does screams, "Look at how precious I am! You cannot resist my charm and you know it so you might as well give in and giggle with me as I throw colored pencils all over the floor, poop in your lap, chew on plastic lizards and eat dirt!" Because the minute he grins at you, wraps his arms around your legs, or lays his little head on your shoulder you melt and become a huge puddle of person.

Every time he gets up from his nap so warm and cozy and we sit together for a few quiet minutes and cuddle... I just get this warm and mushy feeling and, on those rare occasions when it isn't his full diaper squishing against me, it is the knowledge that my baby boy will soon be here and I will be able to cuddle with him and kiss his precious cheeks and watch him get into all sorts of mischief.

I have a feeling I will be a walking puddle for years.

Besides....little boy clothes are pretty stinkin' cute too.