Bringing In The New Year

...as a party of three.

Liam Eliot is home.

Read more...

[New Year's] Intentions

In this month's issue of Natural Awakening Magazine ,I read an article that changed the way I view New Year's Resolutions. The article is a tad bit over-the-top in its hippie-ish-ness... even more than my free love self can stomach, but it did make some interesting points.

It asserts that words are powerful. This is something I agree with whole-heartedly... yet I often let my mouth get the best of me: I can be quite the pessimist. As "intenders," the article says, " the key to manifesting anything is to picture the end result from the beginning—to see it as “a done deal,” and then hold that vision in mind until it actually appears in our three-dimensional world."

It also includes Ten Intentions for a Better World that I find fascinating. Like I mentioned, this is ridiculously hippie and you will probably find yourself chuckling at the lingo... but I do hope to employ these concepts.... in my own ways. Perhaps, you will find your own truth in these as well:

The First Intent - Support Life
I refrain from opposing or harming anyone. I allow others to have their own experiences. I see life in all things and honor it as if it were my own. I support life.

In my life, this intention will manifest itself as letting go of judgement this year- to stop criticizing and to love people unconditionally. This is something I never used to have any trouble with, but somewhere along the way I started to get jaded. I am choosing to let it go this year. It is not serving me in any way.

The Second Intent - Seek Truth
I follow my inner compass and discard any illusions that are no longer serving me. I go to the source. I seek truth.

I need to learn to accept truth that frightens me this year. Truth about myself mostly. I can be in denial... or I can face my flaws and work on them. Pretty simple really.

The Third Intent - Set Your Course
I begin the creative process. I give direction to my life. I set my course.

For me, these three aspects of setting your course represent different things:

Beginning my creative process: I have been saying for months [years, even] that I want to learn to sew and knit. Now, I have a sewing machine. I have knitting needles. I have how-to books. I Have. No. Excuses.

Give direction to my life: I am a Mama now. Liam gives me a sense of purpose and direction that I have never felt before.. but feeling is not enough. I have to do. There is so much I want to give to him and I can not do that without a specific direction.

I also need to set a healthier direction for my life: I need to have consistantly healthier eating habits. I need exercise to become part of my daily routine. I need to set a positive example for my family.

Set my course: Having a direction is not enough, you have to put one foot in front of the other and follow those directions. There are many aspects of my course. One aspect is going to be following the Couch-to-5k Running Plan. My friend McKenzie and her husband Matt told me about this plan last night and I looked it up this morning. I think it is great motivation.

The Fourth Intent - Simplify
I let go, so there is room for something better to come in. I learn to trust by lining up with the highest good and knowing that I am guided, guarded and protected at all times. I am open to receive from expected and unexpected sources. I simplify.

This means letting go of some of the commercialism that I have become so accustomed to. I do not need more stuff. I need to let go of some of the stuff I have and de-clutter.

It also means letting go of highly processed foods, refined sugar, and other junk that is cluttering my body with toxic waste. I want to simplify my home and my body- in turn, I want to simplify my spirit.

The Fifth Intent - Stay Positive
I see good, say good and do good. I accept the gifts from all of my experiences. I am living in grace and gratitude. I stay positive.

This is a very difficult one for me.. but probably the most important. Seeing the positive is something I struggle with daily. My mind naturally wanders to the dark side of things. I am often fearful of experiences because I see all that can go wrong. This is not healthy. It is not making me happy. Positive thinking will serve me so much better.

The Sixth Intent - Synchronize
I am in the flow, fulfilling my desires and doing what I came here to do. Allowing beauty to guide me, I step into the present, where great mystery and miracles abide. I synchronize.

From this, I take the "step into the present." I tend to focus so much on the future (often worrying about it more than anticipating it) that I miss the now that is so precious and fleeting. For instance, I have been so anxious to get my little one home that I have wished away the entire first 2 months of his life! I hurry when I should savor and that is something I want to change in myself this year.

The Seventh Intent - Serve Others
I practice love in action. I always have enough to spare and enough to share. I am available to help those who need it. I serve others.

Oooh. What a good one this is! I practice love in action. Serving others is something I am quite passionate about and yet my service is often short-lived because my own needs get into the way. This year, I want to find a place to plug in and be of service. I want to make a commitment to stick to it and not let things get in the way. I also want to teach Liam about serving others. I hope that one day it will be as natural as breathing to him. It brings such an unexpected peace and joy into your life- you are supposed to be helping someone else.. but it often turns out to be an even bigger blessing to you.

The Eighth Intent - Shine Your Light
I am a magnificent being, awakening to my highest potential. I express myself with joy, smiling easily and laughing often. I shine my light.

I think, in one way, this is an extension of positive thinking. I want to be a blessing to people this year. To find joy in life and share it with other. I also tend to be ridiculously shy (though you could never tell from how I blab on this blog)... and I think this can come across as snobby. It is terribly sad because I am not snobby at all. I really do love people. I want to overcome my shy nature. To smile when others frown and maybe, just maybe... turn their frowns upside down! [Oh, yeah... I went there.]

The Ninth Intent - Share Your Vision
I create my ideal world by envisioning it and telling others about it. I share my vision.

For this, I want to invite you to join me. First, in creating your own intentions. You could use this list.. or start from scratch. It can only do good things for you. Because it is an intention and not a resolution... you cannot fail! Small steps toward a greater purpose are still steps in the right direction.

Second, I would absolutely love it if any of you would like to do the Couch-to-5k program with me! I have already solicited my father.. and (although he doesn't know it yet) I am hoping Ryan will join me as well. It would be great if this is something that would help you meet your own fitness goals this year!

The Tenth Intent - Synergize
I see humanity as one. I enjoy gathering with lighthearted people regularly. When we come together, we set the stage for Great Oneness to reveal itself. We synergize.

I am not entirely sure how I feel about the "Great Oneness"... but I do want to remember that people are just people. A person with an opinion I do not agree with is not the devil. He (or she) is not out to get me- to anger me- to make my life miserable. She (or he) is just a person who looked at something in life and came to a different conclusion than I did... and.. That. Is. Okay.

I also wish to spend more time with friends and family this year. Carving out time in my life to have a cup of coffee and catch up with people I care for, to go visit loved ones who live far away, to stay in touch with other human beings. With a new baby at home, I know this is going to be a challenge... but life is too short and relationships are absolutely the most important thing we have. People are too precious to be wasted.

And that, my friends, is that.

Would you like to share your New Year's Intentions with me?

Read more...

Quiet Time

All is quiet on the Liam front. We are simply awaiting his Thursday morning test results which will let us know if his CRP levels are low enough for him to come home. If they are, he will be joining us that afternoon!

I am heading down to Georgia to spend some time with my dear McKenzie and stay the night with my parents. It will [hopefully] be the last time I can just up and go to Georgia. Soon... life will revolve around one very little man with one very big personality....

and an appetite to match!

Read more...

To Ryan, With Love

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
`
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
`
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
`
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda

Read more...

Interesting. Very Interesting.

Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.
Eliza Tabor

Oh, life... why do you mess with me so?

Ryan and I thought we would be getting a little Christmas miracle. I was so excited to tell you about it! Liam was all set to be discharged on Christmas Eve. We roomed in Wednesday night and everything went swimmingly... until 5 a.m.

Liam's temperature dropped to about 95 degrees and would not come back up until he was under the warmers. I personally believe it has something to do with the room being too cold and the nurse stripping him to his diaper for 10 minutes while she weighed him.. but what do I know? They did some tests and his CRP (otherwise known as c-reactive protein) was way elevated, which indicated that he may have an infection. (It could also be caused by his vaccinations but, coupled with the temperature drop, it freaked everyone out.) They started him on antibiotics, stopped his feedings, and gave him a blood transfusion (his red blood cell count was a bit low; not crazy low.. just a bit). They also did a lumbar puncture to see how his spinal fluid was looking.

And I... cried.

48 hours later his tests were all still negative and his CRP levels had dropped from 4.0 to 1.8; however, they like the levels to be under 1 so he will be on 7 days of antibiotics "just to be safe".... although they have no idea what they are saving him from. They will re-evaluate the situation on the 31st and we will find out if Liam will be coming home for New Year's.

Liam, on his part, has not acted sick in any way. He is as feisty as ever... and still loves to eat. He is gaining weight (4 lbs, 3 oz!) and being cute.

Perhaps Liam just couldn't stand to leave his ladies for the holidays.

Ryan and I are doing our best to find the bright side: a little more time under the close watch of the neonatologists and nurses won't hurt Liam. It will give him a chance to gain a little more weight and be a little less fragile before coming home. Also, if his body is fighting something off, he is in the best place he can be. And we have a little more time to prepare, a few more quiet days to be together and a few more full nights of sleep before life is invaded by our little gremlin.

Read more...

In Case of Emergency

It's queer how ready people always are with advice in any real or imaginary emergency, and no matter how many times experience has shown them to be wrong, they continue to set forth their opinions, as if they had received them from the Almighty!
Ann Sullivan

Ryan's lovely great-aunt Judy brought back a fabulous gypsy-ish bag from India and I happened to become the recipient. I love it a lot.


In my travels back and forth from the NICU, it has become my costant companion. Inside you will find:

1. My laptop (an acer netbook that we affectionately refer to as "Ruby")
2. A camera (to catch all of Liam's adorableness)
3. The cable to the camera (to immediately download said adorableness onto said laptop and share)
4. Notebooks (for notes... and grocery lists... and the like)
5. Books (currently Homemade by Reader's Digest as well as Anne of Ingleside- the sixth book in the Anne of Green Gables series, which you can actually read in its entirety here. Oh, how I love Anne Shirley.)
6. Chapstick (currently Badger Organic Cocoa Butter Lip Balm in Lime Rocket)
7. Granola Bars, water mix-ins, and my way awesome water bottle (saving the planet- one sip at a time!)
8. A flash drive+ mp3 player (in one!)
9. My phone (self-explanitory, I believe)

Soo.. I am pretty much set to go. I am sure many other preemie moms had their own version of a survival tote....

However..... I may not be needing my tote much longer.
Hmm.....


Tune in soon for some VERY EXCITING NEWS!!

Read more...

I Do Believe in Binkies! I Do! I Do!

Babies are such nice ways to start people.
Don Herold

If you had asked me while I was pregnant whether or not I would allow Liam to have a pacifier the answer would be a resounding, "no!" In fact... it was a resounding no each and every time my mother brought it up. However, in this as in many things, our reality has re-shaped our philosophy. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why Liam will, in fact, be a binkie baby:



The child has a great, overwhelming need to suck AT. ALL. TIMES. If for whatever reason his very fancy vanilla scented pacifier is not at his lips, his fingers are a fine replacement. And while it is very, very cute... it is also an extremely difficult habit to break; whereas pacifiers can conveniently disappear.. fingers cannot (well, it is technically possible.. if you are keen on having DEFAX called on your ass). And so, while I cannot say that I am entirely happy about it... Liam will continue to have pacifiers at his disposal. For a little while at least. Spoiled.

[You'd spoil him too. Look at that face!]

So, ladies, what is your paci-opinion?

Read more...